So many people had shit go down. I didn't have that much personally, but I was still bummed out after meeting this professor.
One of my friends is still breaking down after a break-up with some douche. I've been trying to tell her how college doesn't have to be the best time of your life. That's the media talking. And that being happy doesn't mean having a man and a stable relationship.
Then another friend is dropping a class. That sucks.
Then this other girl I know is having relationship issues, so I steered her in the right direction.
Then an old buddy needed help with an essay because he's going into college next year. It's a big step and I know exactly how overwhelming it can be. And irritating.
It's just been a weird day. I'm only 20 and I've long been passing things on to people, giving them a reason to continue. I feel like I'm 80. But there's so much more to do.
I hate it though when I have to help people. I'm going to be honest. It's not that I hate DOING it though. I hate it mostly because of the things I say. I don't believe I'm a genuine person. So I hate it when people praise me. I try hard to keep my ego down. I don't acknowledge it. I wouldn't want people to praise nor criticize me.I mean, criticism is good but I'm not an extreme fan of it either.
But as I was saying. I sometimes am paranoid that I'm just a mash-up of things I've seen and admired. I'm just reiterating. I'm really nothing but a reciter. That's a philosophical argument I've always been obsessed with. Are we really who we are because of who we are? Or because of what's around us? But even if it's the latter, doesn't that mean that at some point down the line there were genuine people?
I try not to worry over words so much.
I'm so goddamn tired though right now. Lately, I've been really crunching time over things. I met the president of the school the other day. That was cool. I just wanted to get my name out to him, but mostly it was to address this activities club I'm in.
Anyway, I'm off for the night.
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