It's Funny to Look Back

You know you changed when you read something you wrote a very long time ago and go, "What the f---?"

I've been on a cleaning spree in my house recently. I love my room now. Everything has this zen-like appeal to it. I spent hours, days even, throwing away old things and shifting things into their proper order. It was like defragmenting my hard drive. After so many years, junk piled up and needed to be filtered.

A lot of people hate being home for so long. They say there's nothing to do. I beg to differ. I love being home as much as I love being in my dorm. I like to think of my home as my secret base, while college is going "back on the field."

I had my hair cut a while ago. My barber said something funny to me. We chatted like always and he grunted, "You know, you're like me. You're an old man."
I laughed. Indeed I was. I've been going to the same barber for years and never once did I stray from the usual treatment. He brought it up. I shrugged and said, "I don't really care." He mentioned how people my age were always so worked up about how they looked and self-conscious. I just wanted to get it over with. That's good enough. Whatever. It's ironic that he too is like that because he's the stylist.

In reference to my first statement, I found that I've done away with a lot of things. I tend to have little to no opinion on things. And yet I can still get fiery when I need to. There's an issue surrounding one circle of my friends. Everyone is making fun of this one couple, and friendships have even broken because of it. Poor girl has almost nobody now except her boyfriend. It's not like he's a douche or anything. The guy is perfectly alright. It's just that no one likes him. What the hell, guys? Whenever someone brings it up I have the tendency to mumble it away or grunt, "Oh shut up." Seriously. I don't care if you're lesbian or gay or if you're going out with a prostitute. Whoever you sleep with or go out with is none of my business. As long as nobody is hurting anybody. And for God's sake, put some protection. As an aspiring virologist, I'm touchy about that.

In a sense though, I feel as though I've always been like this since birth. It was just expressed differently. Adolescence is such an awkward phase after all. It's like a Cold War, paranoid about what others are thinking and therefore doing or thinking something else. At some point, I don't know when, I said, "Fuck it." But the old, angry little man was always inside me telling me, "Go on, just screw it!"

I want to make a list next entry about books I think you should read before you die. Of course, there might be more that should be on the list but clearly I haven't read them yet. Like Catch-22 for instance. I know. I'm terrible. I need to get on that. I'm finishing up the last of the Bond books. Then I need to get back to the Scarlet Pimpernel. Then I also realized Hammet's Thin Man has been on my library untouched for ages.